my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
