what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
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How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
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You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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