This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
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she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
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oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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