I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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