She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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