Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize