Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
