I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
