Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
