Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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