Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
this beer tastes like vomit already
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
