YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
