just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
