About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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