i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
