dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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