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Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
