This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
