He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
