you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
whose ass print is on the piano?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
