Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I deserve this hangover.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
