we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
