My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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