O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
