It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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