Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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