We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
