Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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