put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
