i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
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He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
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You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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