Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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