I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
