one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
