I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize