he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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