I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
