So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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