We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
