I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
two words: eviction party
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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