dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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