I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
