you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
