very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
