Where is the hickey?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
