Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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