i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
