Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
