Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She's the barista slut.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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