were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
