the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
