he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
