i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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