I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
