Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
