I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
