i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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