On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
