THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
