Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
