i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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