Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize