My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
