im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
